Saturday, May 21, 2011

Two Cougars, A Birthday Cub and a Baby Girl

Let me tell you a story about two cougars, an almost cougar and a little girl.  Let's meet the characters, shall we?

Momma Cougar:  She is the oldest, wrinkliest, leader of the pack.

Bitchy Cougar:  She is the chestiest, feistiest, bitch in 3 inch heels.
Birthday Cub:  She is the chillest, sassiest, full makeup, non sweating hottie.
Baby Girl:  The giggliest, grindiest, perky butt who came of legal drinking age about 8 minutes ago.
The Plot:  Take Birthday Cub out to celebrate her last year before becoming an official cougar.

Everyone looked totally different then usual with makeup and brushed hair.  Everyone except for Birthday Cub that is.  Remember, her 'workout self' and her 'going out' self look basically the same.
The Place:  

8.0's in downtown Fort Worth.  Outdoor patio, live band, drinks and four hot chicks.  Perfect!
The Activities:

Order drinks.

Get the night started.
Visit the bathroom and take pictures...of course. 
Two cougars in a bathroom taking self portraits.
The band came on a 10:00pm.  The Cougars, Birthday Cub and Baby Girl were doing a lot of chatting, laughing and were ready to dance!

But apparently one must floss their teeth, at the table, before dancing can commence.

Birthday Cub was doing a little head bangin'.

Bitchy Couger was ready to let her hair down.

The Conflict (1):

Getting drinks.  Our waitress sucked butt.
 The Conflict (2):

When cougars go out they want free drinks.  They need to prove to themselves they still have "it."

Baby Girl was working it on the dance floor.
Look at the picture above.  Do you see the poor unsuspecting boy in the picture?  He was the target.

Of course you use the younger girls to do the dirty work.  He was at the table.  The deal was sealed.  Drinks were on his tab the rest of the night.  Success!
The Activities Continued:

Momma Cougar decided her face had way to many laugh lines when smiling.  We about peed our pants trying to get this new improved photo.  You totally had to be there.

Momma Cougar and Birthday Cub chillin' at the table.
When It's your birthday there are two things that MUST happen.

1.  Birthday spankings
2.  On Stage Dancing
The guy on the left in the picture above is the lead singer.  He was totally checking Baby Girl out!

Baby Girl, Birthday Cub and Bitchy Cougar were livening up the place.
About half way through the night Baby Girl and Bitchy Cougar turned gangster.

Bitchy Cougar shows Birthday Cub how to thrust the chest out to take attention away from face wrinkles.

Another unsuspecting guy got caught in the middle of Baby Girl and Bitchy Cougar's shenanigans.

Baby Girl was telling this nice couple about the greatness of "The Bitchy Runner's Blog".  They wanted to have their picture on the blog.  So, Let me introduce you to Random Couple.

In a surprise twist in the plot, Momma Cougar started taking self portraits.
Baby Girl started feeding Birthday Cub cherries.  Time to take these youngsters home.

I have no photo proof, but let me tell you that on the way to the car there was some more pee your pants good fun.  It involved Bitchy Cougar and Birthday Cub rolling on the sidewalk and laughing uncontrollably.  It also involved three cops on bicycles. Oh yes, and Baby Girl freaking out.  Perfect way to end the night!  
End of the Story:  That was a damn good time!


  1. Looks like you guys had a blast!

    Love your shirt -- where's it from?

  2. OMG, I'm so used to seeing sweaty pics of you guys. You guys are lookin' great!

  3. I loved this post, gave me some entertainment at an otherwise boring afternoon at work! Are you all from Fort Worth? I am in Austin.